Going Out Of Business

hat you may not know about me, is that I’ve had a long string of failed businesses. I don’t talk about it much, because I’ve lost a lot of money and a lot of time to these passion projects. Apparently, about 20% of businesses fail in the first year, and about 50% fail by the fifth.
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All of mine have failed in the first month… give or take.
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Anyway, here are few of them:
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Martial Arts & Crafts
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Located just off I-95 in Good Grief, Idaho, I opened the very first Martial Arts and Arts & Crafts Combo business. Turned out that people in the Martial Arts class kept accidentally kicking over the hand-made pottery of the Arts & Crafts class. The whole thing devolved pretty quickly, and Sheriff Schmuland came and shut the whole thing down after a pretty serious macaroni art incident.
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Taxidermatology
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It seemed like such a good time saver, when I opened Taxidermatology: an establishment that catered to all your taxidermy, taxes and dermatology needs, all under the same roof. It was located in a little spot on Pine Mountain Road, out behind Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Unfortunately, in less than a month it was closed for good. I thought being in the hometown of Dollywood would be a sure bet, but it turned out that our customers didn’t like how needlessly complicated our paperwork was. Also, my taxidermist got sick of only doing pigeons, and my dermatologist had a real sensitivity to borax and other desiccants the taxidermist was using.
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The Creamytorium
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My soft serve ice cream and pet cremation center was a bust before it ever had a chance. How I ended up in Two Egg, Florida, just north of the panhandle, I have no idea. But, I set up shop there, and to this day I have no reason to think it wouldn’t have been a success if not for the mix up that happened. A few years after, I heard that Bob’s Burgers started up a similar operation. So, at least I know that the idea was a good one.
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It’s not easy to talk about these failures, because they all meant so much to me. But, hopefully you'll appreciate what I was trying to do. Maybe, at some point in the future, I’ll share a few more of my businesses that didn’t work out... when I can bring myself to relive the disappointment.
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Thanks for stopping by.

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